Subject: In Memory of Baruch Yitzchak ben Yirmiyahu (Barry Pessin)
From: Heath Berkin <heath.berkin@gmail.com>
Date: 11/4/2016, 5:59 AM
To: Heath Berkin <heath.berkin@gmail.com>
BCC: menachem@alonsystems.com
The Mishna in Avos(4;18) says "Rabbi Shimon ben Eliezer says, don't appease your friend when he is angry". Through our many daily personal encounters with friends, family and acquaintances we are bound to get angry or to get someone angry with us. The Mishna is instructing and advising us not to attempt to appease someone whom we have angered while their anger is still "fresh". It is best to wait until their anger has subsided and then attempt to reconcile with them. When a person is angry they are usually not interested in listening to someone else especially the person who just angered them. Attempting at that point to appease them will in many cases just cause them to become more and more angry. Furthermore, when people get angry they usually lose a good amount of sounds logic, they may think and in some cases act illogically. Making an attempt to appease and logically explain your actions are therefore very unlikely to be accepted.
Although this may sound easy, in many cases it is actually very hard especially if we have angered someone we truly love and care about. Our natural inclination is to try and fix the damage we have done and restore harmony as quickly as possible, but we have to keep in mind that in many cases this isn't the correct course of action. We may need to hold ourselves back and keep our mouths closed until we see that the other party has settled down and is in a position to accept our reasoning and appeasement.
This advice can used by the other party as well. If someone has angered you and attempts to engage you in conversation to explain their actions or even to apologize and appease you, the right course of action is to politely tell them now is not the right time. Excuse yourself and tell them you need space and you will discuss later. After you have had time to reflect on what this person has said or done to anger you, it will usually allow you to view everything in the right perspective and in a more logical, balance light.