In Memory of Baruch Yiztchak ben Yirmiyahu (Barry Pessin)

The Mishna in Avos (5;11) says about the second type of person "who is slow to anger but also slow to be appeased, his loss outweighs his gain".

Although this person has a wonderful trait that he is slow to anger nevertheless when he does get angry it is very difficult to settle him down and appease him. The trait of being slow to anger is outweighed by his trait of being slow to appease.

Obviously it is a good start to be slow to anger but a person should also be easy to appease and not slow to appease. When someone wrongs you it may be very difficult at times to be pacified. In fact, our Sages tell us that you should not try to appease a person when they are in the heat of their anger. Trying to do so will usually result in the person getting more and more upset. Instead a person should let the angered party to have his/her space and then when they cool down attempt to appease them.

When someone angers us we can consider a few thoughts to hopefully let us release some of the anger and to become easier to appease. For starters, most of the time that we are angry is because we feel someone has slighted our honor. If we consider what was done and think about ourselves with a bit more humility then we won't be as angry. Another thought to consider is that everything is from Hashem if someone insulted or angered you realize that this person is just a tool to carry out the work of G-d. Now obviously none of these considerations should be taken to justify the actions of the person who angered you (assuming they in fact were wrong in what they did) but what he did wrong is between him and G-d. From our perspective we need to deal with the anger and realize the actions or words of this person where sent from G-d, if it was not him it would have been someone else. This also doesn't mean a person needs to remain around people who constantly anger or upset them (again assuming these people are in the wrong) but his reactions are up to him to control and deal with.

Chag Sameach and Shabbat Shalom,

Heath