In this week's Parsha we read about a number of commandments which revolve around helping our fellow Jew. Whether it is by lending them money (interest free) or by loading or unloading their animals. Everyone grows up with the understanding that they need to give back and they need to do kindness to other people. There are two things though that I think are many times forgotten.

The first is that kindness begins at home. Obviously volunteering for your shul or some other organization is wonderful but is this taking away from the kindness you can be doing at home, with relatives or close friends? The kindness which is done "outside" is easier because it usually comes with a bit of honor as well. We will most certainly be recognized for that kindness by others. At home this isn't the case and in many cases it might be just the opposite. It is easy for us to take for granted the kindness that our spouses, parents or children may do for us and this means the kindness goes unnoticed and underappreciated. Of course the receiver needs to pay attention and not take these things for granted, but from the perspective of the giver (as hard as it may be) their focus should be to the people closest to them first. There is a story about a very wealthy philanthropist who was a follower of a certain great rabbi. The rabbi requested a meeting with the wealthy individual for a "very important matter". The rabbi went to the philanthropists fancy Manhattan office and was quickly ushered in to meet with the philanthropist. The philanthropist asked the rabbi what was the urgent matter that he needed to discuss with him. The rabbi began to explain to him that there is a very needy family who doesn't have money and continued to explain the struggles the needy family was facing. The rabbi then asked if the man would be willing help them out financially. The philanthropist turned to the rabbi and said of course, but questioned why the rabbi came all the way to his office to ask for financial help? He could have just as easily picked up the phone and called him, he always offers his financial support for any cause the rabbi thinks is worthy. The rabbi said this was a very special case and therefore he came personally. The philanthropist took out his checkbook and wrote a sizeable check and then asked the rabbi who should he make the check out to? The rabbi turned to the man and said "your brother". 

The second thing we may forget is that it isn't as important what we do but how we do it. Sometimes we want to help so much that we overextend ourselves becoming resentful and upset, so when we do the kindness we do it with a "sour face". Imagine you come home from work after a long day and your spouse has decided to make you dinner. As you walk in the door you can smell the fresh food and you step into the dining room and find a lavish meal prepared. You turn to your spouse to thank them and see an angry, resentful look fuming at you. As you take a bite out of the delicious food the anger just grows. It would make someone lose their appetite. Now imagine there is no food, and your spouse welcomes you with a big smile and explains they have had such a long day and no time to prepare any dinner. Instead, they prepare you a drink and happily sit down with you to discuss the events of your day. As a receiver which would you prefer? As a doer of kindness we need to keep this balance in mind.

Shabbat Shalom,

Heath